Vulcan Misconceptions
by smelyalata
Summary: In which Spock overhears and misinterprets a conversation between the Captain and Uhura. Tis crack.


Bonjour ! Read on, good readers.

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Commander Spock strode purposefully down the halls of the USS Enterprise (as it was illogical to stride down hallways when one had no purpose to). He intended to visit the rec room, not for recreational purposes, but because he was in search of Nyota Uhura, his 'girlfriend' (as human's referred to such people as). The Vulcan had not seen her since their shift ended, which was an odd occurrence. Usually, they spent this time together in Spock's quarters, playing chess and doing other things that people in normal relationships were required to do. He found that Kirk often disagreed with this method of bonding, but then again, Kirk's methods were usually highly illogical.

Spock slowed as he neared the rec room, listening as he heard voices coming from inside. Voices that sounded oddly like the Captain and Uhura.

"Just push it in."

"Wait, I'm not sure, it's not like I've ever done this before..."

"The way you talk, I expected you to be experienced in this sort of thing." Came Uhura's reply. Spock stopped, wanting to listen further before he entered the room.

"Just..push, ok?" She continued. "It'll go in pretty smoothly, trust me."

"Alright....OW!" Kirk's muffled yell was followed by a light thump.

"What are you complaining about? I'm the one doing all the work here."

"..........it's stuck." Kirk said.

"WHAT? Good job you idiot." Came Uhura's fratic reply, "I can't believe I let you get me into situations like this. What if someone walks in?"

"We can just say we were curious." Kirk muttered, proceeding to grunt from the effort of pulling... whatever it was... out.

"I think it's too big." Kirk said.

"Trust me, if it was too big, we wouldn't have gotten it inside in the first place. It's probably stuck on something."

Spock stood outside to door, looking shocked. He was almost scared to know what was happening inside the room. He remained in the hallway, emotions conflicted. To go inside the room, or to not go inside the room? That is the question. Suddenly another voice joined Kirk and Uhura's.

"You two ok? ....Holy shit! What are you guys doing?!" Sulu's voice was laced with shock. "You realize how much trouble you can get into for that?"

"We know." Grumbled Kirk, "Next time, we're doing this in a more private area. I think were drawing a crowd."

"There's not going to _be _a next time." growled the communications officer. "Now, let's just get it out and pretend nothing happened."

"_That's _gonna be kinda hard," Kirk replied, "like, how do you forget something like this? Sulu, just help me pull this out and I promise I won't have you marooned on some distant planet."

"Alright Captain, but can I just take one picture? This is priceless."

"NO!" Both Uhura and Kirk yelled. Sulu laughed. "Alright... here we go then...one, two, three, pull!"

There was a resounding crash and the sound of Kirk swearing loudly.

"Whew... at least it's out now."

Spock, still outside, had won his internal battle of emotions and stormed into the room. "What is the problem in here?"

"Spock!" Kirk cried, "You'll never guess what just happened. He held up and object in his hand. "We were trying to play one of Pike's old 20th century VCRs, you know, the ones with the tape? And the glass screen that plays them? Uhura got it stuck in the machine." He glanced pointedly at the Lieutenant.

"Kirk, you dirty liar..." she glared at the Captain. "Sorry if we caused a commotion Spock, but try not to let Pike know about this... he's very protective of his 2oth century memorabilia. And were you looking for something?"

Spock was still recovering from the shock of discovering that he had interpreted the Lieutenant and Captain's conversation in such a dirty way. It was against his Vulcan nature to have such thoughts.

"No, I'm...fine. I'll just return to my room for some long and mind cleansing meditation." He left the room quickly.

"Wonder what's up with him?" asked Kirk to no one in particular.

Uhura shrugged in response, just as Pike entered the room.

"Has anyone seen my copy of "Footloose"?

Lmao, alright, I know Pike isn't really on the Enterprise anymore.

But his presence was necessary.


End file.
